Slipped
by NekoVampireNinja
Summary: He hated it. Her love. Why! Why, did she love him still! Even as his eyes burned crimson, and her beautiful irises were still honey golden. She still loved him! Why couldn't she feel... why couldn't she see what a monster he was?


**Slipped.**

He couldn't stand it.

She was sitting there… cradling him, looking after him.

She didn't care.

She didn't care that his eyes were crimson.

That he was too weak.

That his will had failed while hers stood strong.

That I was a monster.

Why?

Why didn't she care?

Damn it, I wanted her to _feel _something.

_I _wanted to feel something… something other than... this… forgiveness, and love…

And regret?

That is what she felt.

She didn't feel anger, or fear, or confusion, or hate.

Or disappointment.

She still loved him.

Why!?

What had he done to deserve this?! This angel… she looked after him, the demon. Why!? Why, couldn't she leave him alone! He wanted her gone, so he could wallow in peace. He didn't want her around, he would hurt her. He would _taint _her. Her perfect soul.

Alice.

_His _Alice.

And she didn't even care that he had slipped.

Killed.

Murdered.

She just cradled him, like something _precious, _rubbing his back, whispering meaningless soothing words in his ear, pressing her beautiful lips against the crown of his head. She just sat there, and _loved _him.

Edward. He cared. He hadn't liked that I had slipped in front of Bella. Twice now. At least she wasn't the one I thirsted for this time.

Esme, she cared. She felt… sorrow, and regret. Regret that she had let this happen. It was not her fault. Maybe, if I had been in a better state, I would have made her feel better.

Emmett. He cared. I would forfeit the game of chess we were supposed to play. He also felt a little regret over the fact he hadn't gotten to me in time to stop me.

Bella. She cared. She was slightly sad, slightly confused. Of course she was. She wasn't as weak as I was. She couldn't see what humans smelt like to me. The world's strongest newborn.

Carlisle. He cared. He felt a sorrow of losing a human life to his least favourite son. He didn't like killing. He worked to save lives.

Rosalie. She sort of cared. She took it as proof of my… incompetence. Of course, _she _has never tasted human blood. The perfect little assassin. One more thing to be better at than me.

…

I would have to speak with her later.

Alice. She did not care. She did not care that my body was, as her arms encircled me, gathering strength from my feed, making me far stronger than her. She did not care that a woman lay dead, because of my incompetence. She did not care that I sat unresponsive under her hand. She did not care that my eyes burned bright crimson behind my closed lids.

She did not care.

I screamed, an anguished sound that petered off into a snarl.

It held my anger, frustration, annoyance, fear and self loathing.

Her tiny…

Fragile…

Breakable…

Arms tightened around me, as she hugged me closer, her emotions intensifying. I couldn't stand it. She still _loved _me!? How…?

"Let me go" I snarled, before I had even realized I had said it.

"No." Her beautiful voice, calm, firm, still full of love.

I struggled deftly, twisting away from her. Her fragile arms were surprisingly even tighter than I had ever felt. I had tried not to break her tiny arms then, and had not used my full strength.

"Let me go." I growled again.

"Jasper…" Her cool, calm voice. "It was not your fault-"

"Like hell it wasn't!" I hissed, finally extracting myself from her.

She stood calmly on the other side of the room. Her emotions… damn it!... Her emotions! They were the same…

I moaned. I wanted her to leave, to see what a monster I was.

"Jazz." She murmured reaching for my face.

"No!" I roared. Why couldn't she leave me alone! Damn it, her stupid emotions…

There was a loud snap.

Finally… her emotions had changed. I was almost relieved.

Her face… it showed pain… and hurt…god lord, don't be upset, Alice.

Then I realized

I had slapped her.

I gasped sharply.

I had _hurt_ her!

"Alice!" I reached out to her, my voice strained, my eyes wide. She remained stock still.

And then I found myself tackled to the ground by Emmett.

"What the hell did you do that for, Jasper!" He growled, pinning me to the floor.

Edward was holding Alice, who was facing away from me. He had his arms wrapped protectively around her, but she was standing unresponsively.

I moaned again.

Her emotions… her pain… sorrow…I had hurt her! My heart was breaking… don't, Alice… don't be sad…

I tried to reach her, but Emmett held me tight.

Edward shot a tight-jawed glare at me, then picked up Alice, and left.

I howled.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

I sat, my hands cradled my head, between Emmett and Edward, across from Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie stood at the window.

"…And then she got out of my grip, and ran away. I didn't think I should follow." Edward completed his monologue with a hard glance at me. I deserved it.

Carlisle sighed. His emotions annoyed me, too. They held no condemnation for me.

"I think it is best if we leave her…" he started.

"No." I stood. "It is my fault. I have to find her."

"No way," disagreed Emmett. "You've done enough damage already."

"Besides," piped up Rosalie. "He'll probably just kill her next time."

It took all of Emmett's strength to keep me from killing _her._

"_I _think…" Carlisle raised his voice for calm. "That Jasper has a point" Rosalie clucked her tongue. "Jasper, I want you to find her. Please, apologise."

As if I wouldn't.

I was gone in the next second.

I raced outside, listening for her emotions to which I was so attuned. I found them quickly, a few miles south.

She was standing in the middle of a clearing, facing away from me, as if she had stopped dead mid-sprint.

"Alice…" I whispered, trying to form coherent words with her emotions assaulting me. "I am so sorry…can you ever forgive me?" If I were her, the answer would be no. " … I never meant to…"

"I know, Jasper. I know!" She exclaimed shrilly, suddenly. "It wasn't you. You didn't mean it. This is all_ my_ fault!" She wailed, balling up.

"No," I whimpered, struggling against the urge to race to her, to pick her up, to cradle her. She wouldn't want me touching her. Where were these words coming from? Her fault? "Nothing was your fault. I am too weak-"

She shook her head. "No, you don't understand! I brought you here…to the Cullens'… away from your usual diet, into unfamiliar territory. I knew it would be hard for you… but I was too selfish to stay away… I did this to you. It would not be a problem if I hadn't." She drew a shuddering breath. Alice? Selfish? She was the least selfish person on Earth.

"But I'm glad you did." I whispered. Sometime during her rant, I had lost the battle against turning to her, and I now encircled her shoulders in my arms, cradling her.

"My fault…" she whimpered.

Please, god, Alice. Don't be scared. Don't be sad.

"I'm so sorry." My voice strained.

She shook her head. "It isn't your fault. You're finding it harder to adjust… than I thought."

It amazed me… her emotions… she still loved me underneath all that hurt.

"Alice," My voice burned with sincerity. "I am… sorry just isn't the word… deeply _remorseful _for what I did. It was… inexcusable."

She just shook her spiky head, sighed and wrapped her arms around me.

Good lord, I loved her.

And by some miracle…

She loved me.

"Jasper?" She asked, almost timidly. "Do you forgive me?" She avoided my eyes.

I grasped her tiny chin, forcing her to look at me.

"If what you mean is do I forgive you for loving me when I don't deserve it, for taking care of me and helping me to live a better life… then no, I don't forgive you."

Her eyes shimmered.

"What I want to know is… do you forgive me?" I said the word haltingly.

She looked me straight in the eyes. "Do I need to?"

"Yes." I breathed.

"Well, then I forgive you for not abandoning me, and putting up with me dragging you into a whole new life."

Ah, so two can play the beat around the bush game.

I sighed, breathing the sweet scent of her hair.

"Truce?" I asked, pressing my lips into her beautiful hair.

"Truce." She agreed, closing her eyes.

"I love you." She whispered.

I bent down, moving my lips from her hair to her mouth.

"And I you." I said, as our lips met.


End file.
